It may be 2022 but it looks like Urban Dictionary is still the place to go if you’re looking for some spicy takes.
The popular company features definitions submitted by users without any real need for those definitions to be kind (or accurate, for that matter).
Here are some brutal “definitions” of popular Canadian celebs — but take it with a grain of salt, as there are way more definitions singing their praises!
Hutchinsphoto | Dreamstime
When you look up Keanu Reeves, this is one of the less flattering definitions of the dearly-loved Canadian actor:
“Proof that everyone has a shot at being a successful actor,” said Michael Webster.
“You mean Keanu Reeves did it? So you’re telling me there’s a chance.”
And this post came for the Napanee-born musician’s musical talent.
“A singer that is so talented and clever, that she has the ability to rhyme ‘home’ with ‘home,'” said seth_cohen_fan.
“Avril Lavigne: ‘She want’s to go home, but nobody’s home.'”
“Great job Avril, great job.”
The looks of our PM have been a topic of conversation in the past — even Joe Rogan called him “handsome” — but one Urban Dictionary user isn’t so sure about that.
“The 23rd Canadian prime minister (Canadian to president),” explained LoLI’mSOOOOOOOOOFunny.
“He is not ugly looking like and is much younger than lots of politicians so people think he’s young and gorgeous. In reality he is middle age but beauty is in the eye of the beholder so you decide.”
And Drizzy’s bars seem to be questionable to this person.
“A ‘rapper who is really more of a singer than a rapper,” said Icy Wyte. “When he tries to rap he just sounds weird and out of place.”
Bob: ‘Have you heard the rapper Drake?’
Bill: ‘Rapper? I thought he was a singer!'”
The Adorkable One had a succinct definition for Biebs: “The reason I’m ashamed to be a Canadian.”
And you.ng_59 seemed pretty ambivalent about Canuck Shawn Mendes’ looks.
“A great singer who many find to be attractive,” they wrote. “Personally, I don’t really get the hype, but you do you, boo.”
While many on the site had lovely things to say about the Vancouver-born actor, one user with an extremely offensive name had this to say about him:
“See also: Douche or Tool. Ryan Reynolds is the tooliest tool in all of doucheland.”
While this definition from TheRealDark isn’t exactly a roast, it is impressive for the sheer amount of references it gets in there.
“A Canadian singer who is said to be blinded by the lights, he feels it coming and he is an starboy. Apparently he only calls you when it’s half past. His singing skills are even brighter than the dawn.”
And lastly, Blitzkreep had an interesting take on how Bublé hits some of his notes.
“A man who perfected the use of the testicle vice to produce some of the most outlandish and dull screeching every to stain the bowels of the human ear.”
This article’s cover image was used for illustrative purposes only.